Friday, May 20, 2011

There's No Beer in Heaven?

Tomorrow if all goes as divinely planned most of you will be sucked up into the sky to begin your new lives as wide-eyed, cloud-sitting harpists.

A few of us will not be going. I have it on good authority that there is no beer in heaven. As per the the prophetic lyrics of Ernst Neubach. Ernst wrote, "In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink it here (Right Here!) When we're gone from here, all our friends will be drinking all our beer"!

Fuck that! I'm not going. Mrs. Mikey is sitting on stash of Russian River sours that need to be "biblicly molested" by one obstinate beer gnerd and apparently being raptured isn't good enough reason for "the Boss" to pop the goddamn corks!

Anyway... if your "head'n up to the spirit in the sky", I call first dibs on all abandon beer cellars. Tough shit, Dougie, Ed, Dal, Bonnie, Eric, Kent, Tiff, Geoff, Mike, Ricky, Craig, Jamie, Jared, Thy, Dave, Mark and all you other Rapture shitters. I called dibs first! Same damn rules as shotgun...

Once the "saved" are gone, I propose we have a Kegger at Senator Valentine's place. Trust me, he's not going anywhere, plus that poor mislead bastard is gunna need a beer. I don't know Where he lives, but he'll be the only one in Orem with booby glitter on his face. So look for that.

By the way, be sure and saves all the kegs. We'll need them for the coming Zombie Apocalypse. More info to come.

By the way, Mark has a few Cantillons at the Bayou.

Cheers!

4 comments:

Ricky H. said...

I assure you, during rapture I'm staying right here. As a matter of fact that's why I've been brewing so much, distribution will have some issues after all the saints in charge of our booze are lifted to heaven. However, all the brewers and drinkers will still be around so I'm sure it will just be 3 weeks max 'til we have have the liquor stores back up and running.

---Ricky H.

kent said...

This post made my day. I laughed my not inconsequential booty off.

So I agree, we'll use the last of the fuel to transport all our brew to a central location and we should be set until at least October. (Isn't that when the whole thing finally comes to an end?).

That said I'll be at the bayou around 4pm then off to the Living traditions festival. I've got a buddy manning the beer tent. Sees ya all.

Douglas said...

Very funny. Lets make it official, if I get raptured I bequeath my beer cellar to the Utah Beer Blog and its pimp Mikey. If I however get left behind, I'll see you at Valentine's tomorrow night.

Craig said...

I'll be staying behind, so you can't have my beer unless I'm there to drink it with you. Think I'll crack open an Outer Darkness for the big day.