Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Other Stupid Liquor Laws

Utah is home to some pretty fucked-up liquor laws, as we all know. Here are are some equally fucked-up laws, from other, equally, fucked-up states. Suddenly, we don't look so bad...

In California it's illeagal for producers of alcohol beverages to list the names of retailers or restaurants that sell their products in advertising or even in newsletters. Also, no alcohol beverages can be displayed within five feet of a cash register of any store in California that sells both alcohol and motor fuel.

A person can be sent to jail for five years for merely sending a bottle of beer, wine or spirits as a gift to a friend in Kentucky. (sorry Jethro)

Maryland law, now requires that alcohol beverage writers be certified as experts, by an agency of the state before they can receive product samples, which it limits to three bottles per brand.

In Missouri, anyone under the age of 21 who takes out household trash containing even a single empty alcohol beverage container can be charged with illegal possession of alcohol in Missouri.

If a law enforcement officer is having a drink, in a bar, in Iowa. And an employee pours water down the drain, the water is legally considered an alcohol beverage intended for unlawful purposes. (huh?) Also, running a "tab" in Iowa is illegal as well. Don't go anywhere, there's more... An owner or employee of an establishment in Iowa that sells alcohol can't legally consume a drink there after closing for business.

In Connecticut, pharmasits must pay $400.00 each year for a license, in order to use alcohol in compounding prescriptions. (what a scam!)

The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas. Why? because it contains a recipe for making beer that can be used at home. Also, (I hope your all sitting down) Texas state law prohibits taking more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.

In Indiana, it's illegal for liquor stores to sell milk or cold soft drinks. They can, however, sell uinrefrigerated soft drinks.

Nebraska state law prohibits bars from selling beer unless they are simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup... I'm speachless.

North Dakota law, prohibits serving beer and pretzels at the same time in any bar or restaurant. That's just wrong!

Here's more from the great "state" of Texas, beer many not be purchased after midnight on Sunday, but can be purchased anytime on Monday...which happens to begin right after midnight on Sunday! So, it's illegal to buy it... when its legal to buy it?

Colorado law requires that wine be sold in containers of at least 24 ounces and spirits in containers at least a fifth of a gallon. But, at the same time, it also decrees that no alcohol beverage can be stored in hotel minibars in anything larger than miniature containers.

Ohio state law prohibits getting a fish drunk. Faciasts!!!

In Alaska, it's illegal to give a moose any booze. That explains alot about Bullwinkle.

It's illegal to sit on any street curb in St. Louis, Missouri, and drink beer from a bucket.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Just Ask Dumbass

A new Questions & Answer section has been added to Utah Beer. "JUST ASK DUMBASS" is a brand-new tool, utilizing the most advanced and sofisticated brain known to modern man. Us it as a resourse to probe for all beer and Utah beer related knowledge. And be assured, that all data spewed-forth from my divine pie-hole is accurate and true. Why? because I said so.
First question???

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

POOR RICHARDS ALE

Founding Father and beer lover Benjamin Franklin, Turned 300 years old last January 17th. Happy Birthday Ben! To celebrate this fine day two award-winning brewers with ancestral ties to Benjamin Franklin joined with the Benjamin Franklin Tercentenary Commission and others to select a recipe for Poor Richard’s Ale—a beer for Americans nationwide to hoist on 1/17/06. I know, I know. I'm a week late. I just didn't think that it anyone in state would be making it. I was wrong. Mark Alston from The Bayou informed me that The Wasatch Brewpub in Park City produced a 4.0%abv version and from what I understand it's only available up there. I havn't tried it yet. Mark has, his reaction was mixed. Has anyone had a chance to get up there and try it? Is anyone making it at home? Let us know.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Never Mind

I got a letter today from two, very upset girls, that hail from SLC. They informed me that they put all of they're 'my pretty pony money' down on a Bronco win over the weekend. Little Babette (left) and Gurtrude (right) said. "Due to the overwelming logic of the formula we thought it was a sure thing." The formula that they're refering to is, beer+city=win. "This Mikey 'guy' is a piece of shit! What kind of person authors such inordinate and outrageous crap, for our young and impretionable minds?" Well my dear, I did indead put finger to keyboard. But the real "piece of shit" is my drunken comrade Jerry. Who is the true mastermind behind 'beergate'. As promised. His address has been forwared to the enraged girls.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

IF FOOTBALL WAS BEER

Look at these two guys. They need a beer so bad, they're ready to start sucking on that football.
Actually, the guy on the left looks like he's about to make out with it. The soft, yet firm textues reminding him of a rondeveux that never was, beckoning him... Ah, sorry, I degress. You can't blame them. It's not a huge stretch of the imagination. Beer and football go together like... like prison and rape(too harsh?). Anyway, If you were planning on tossing some of your hard earned moola at your favorite bookey, here's a sure-fire way to ensure a profitable outcome. The equation is this, City+ Beer= Win. So, lets look at the cities in question and the brewing prowess therein. The first match-up: Denver/Pittsburg. Putting up Denver's best brews up against the Iron City's best. No contest, Denver wins hands down. Which really pisses me off!!! because I hate the fucking Broncos. Moving on to the NFC: Seattle/Charlotte. Again, no contest. Charlotte's "Brew Culture" makes Utah's look like Bavaria. The Northwest, is debatably the brewing mecca of North America. Hence, Seattle wins easily. Now we move to the Super Bowl. Two, very strong, beer loving communities. This is a very tough call that will have to be left to the domain of public opinion. After comparing two websites. Beeradvocate.com and Ratebeer.com. The ultimate winner looks like Denver by a narrow margin. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!!! If you don't like the outcome (and i don't) don't blame me. Blame Jerry, my comrad in swill. He came up with this, last night over a couple.. three...ok, ten pints! So, blame him, and if you loose money. Let me know and I'll give you his Address. What an ass!!!

Monday, January 16, 2006

Rogue's Imperial India Pale Ale

If you like 'em big and hoppy and need a winter warmer, Rogue has your medicine. The I2PA is unfiltered and aged for 9 months. It has a tangerine color with a big, soapy head. The nose is full on blast of spruce, grapefruit and bitters. The taste starts with a hop explosion. Tons of piney, citrus flavors up front as well as some carmel sweetness. Intense bitterness comes up in the rear and leaves a dry, bitter aftertaste. Alcohol warms shortly after, leaving a spicy bitterness in the mouth. This is one of the most delicious beers i've ever had!
It comes in a 750 ml. black ceramic bottle, and packs a staggering 9.5% alcohol by volume. As far as I know it's only available at The Bayou. Be sure and bring pleanty of pennys it. It'll run you about $24.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Beer Poll Addendums

In response to Anonymous' "hell no" to the amber/pale category he/she is right. So, they are now they're own seperate categories. And since we're headed that way anyway, let's break up Hefs into German & American styles. There are not that many Belgium styles being made in the state. So, we will keep one category for all. Any other changes? Let me know. Feel free to adjust your picks according to the new categories.
I do have to disagree with Anonymous (you really need a nick). IPA Junior, is a great ale but it doesn't compare to Squatter's IPA and Uinta's Barleywine (espesially #10) walks all over Bigfoot.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

------------------BEST BEER POLL---------------

National, international and regional beer competions happen almost monthly. We get the results and we get to see how our local brews stack up against brews from all over. But as far as I know there's never been a contest or poll, to rate how our local stuff does against one and other. So, I thought I'd throw it out there. What's your favorite local brew? Choose your single favorite from of one of these eight styles. Hefs, Pils, Amber/Pales, IPA, Dark Lagers, Porters, Stouts and Belgiums. I know we could break-down the styles even more, but we'll try to keep it simple. So, choose one local from the catagories above, then your one outstanding out-of-state favorite. In 30 days we'll tally 'em up. Who know, maybe one day we can put together an official best of state beer. Cheers!

After all, you know this guy (is a biggot)

This is the look of a bewildered man. A man that created one hell of a shit storm. A shit storm that has, with in a few days; circled the entire globe. Monday, I did my best trying to narrow the great chasm that seperates the State of Utah, from the rest of the world. Now... a brief explanation alcohol measurments in the great galactic scheme of things is a pretty small attemp, but this is a bloody, beer blog for christ sake! Anyway, all that was done. Has been; so easily, undone. From New York, to Sydney, to London People are talking about the freaky, little, Mormon city in the mountains, that has no tolerance for anything outside of it's Neo-Christian values. Thanks to uncle Larry's, Brokeback Mountain about-face. We are now that twisted, little kid from the neighboorhood; that nobody one wants to play with, because he pees all over everyones toys (you know who you are).
This whole mess could have been avoided, had Miller paid more attention, to what his theater was taking on, when he contracted with Focus Features and not aquired the film in the first place. And we wouldn't be wasting valuable beer blogging time on stupid shit like this. This is the same guy who's tv station: KJZZ cancelled it's affiliation with UPN Television, because it's programing was too "black" for our fair skinned community. Christ, I need a beer.

Monday, January 09, 2006

3.2%? I DON'T THINK SO...

If you were to asked to associate anything with the state of Utah, the first thing to come to mind would most likely be Mormons. Followed closely by Polygamy and then 3.2% beer. The first-two do in fact exist, but the latter is up to interpretation.

There are two ways to measure the alcohol content in a beverage. By weight or by volume. Most of the world measures the amount of alcohol in beer by volume. However in Utah, our regulators prefer that alcohol be measured by weight. Why? who the hell knows.

Anyway, if you were to measure our 3.2% (by weight) beer in the same fashion as everyone else (by volume), they're really 4.0% beers. This percentage is in many cases just slightly less than the average alcohol content of most mainstream beers.

The graphic above, (courtesy Uinta Brewing) simplifies it nicely. Compare a pint of Bud Light (4.2%abv) with; let's say... Bohemian Breweries Pilsner (4.0%abv) the difference is 0.2% difference or 2 oz. more per glass. Not much.

Draught Guinness, one of the worlds most beloved beers comes in at a whopping 4.2% abv. I'm not saying that Utah's beers run neck-n-neck (alcohol wise) with the rest of the worlds beers. But, they aren't as weak as you might think.

One more thing. These rules only apply to beers on tap or purchased outside of state run liquor stores. Uinta makes a fantastic barley wine that comes in annually at around 10.5% abv.

To be clear. There is no limit on the amount of alcohol a beer can have in Utah. It's just a matter of where you can purchase it (liquor stores). Class is over.

Cheers!